Confession #9: Purity

I’m Male.
I’m 27 yrs old.
I’m Single.

I struggle with being pure. Enough said…right?

Not Quite. This is, well, a subject that I think perhaps more people struggle with more often than not. I don’t plan on getting into the nitty gritty of my life, but I think its important to share some of my thoughts on this.

This seems to be a daily struggle with me. Guys, being visual creatures, notice things that may not be so obvious to the opposite sex. I think there is a fair discussion on the female side that there are struggles as well. With acceptance, knowing that true beauty goes beyond the surface of the skin, etc. I’m also concerned that there is a lot of us out there who just are not sure how to handle these feelings. My guess is that if you’ve spent any time in church, you’ve probably not heard a whole lot on this topic. I know I personally haven’t. But whether it is said right out or not, I think we get the impression that sexual desires, feelings, emotions are a bad thing. Were told not to have sex, or go “to far” (whatever that means) with our girlfriend or boyfriend, were just told not to do it. But beyond that, where not really told why. So we don’t understand these feelings completely and we look at this, especially when were single(male or female) as more of a curse than a blessing. Mike Erre in “Why Guys Need God” writes:

“…We were sexual before we were sinful. In other words, the sexual part of us – the part that experiences arousal, passion, release – was all part of God’s good creation. That means that although our sin has tainted our sexuality, being sexual is still a good thing.

Much of the church of Jesus has missed this. As a result, people get the impression that sex shouldn’t be discussed within the community of followers of Jesus except to remind us to stay away from it. But the Scriptures don’t start there. In Genesis 1-2, being sexual is part of being human. And being human is good. Therefore, being sexual is good too. Far too many of us look at our sexuality as a curse instead of as the good gift of a gracious God.”

I think what is important is a clear picture of God and the gifts He has given to us. This is something I have been learning and something that Mike shares in his book. Ingratitude allows us to rationalize sexual compromise. If were single we want to be married, if we are married we want to be single, if were married with kids, we want to be just married and have the freedom a couple had before having kids. I think often we have an unhealthy understanding of the design of marriage and how God intended it to be something that we enjoy and draw closer to Him. One way of accomplishing this is through the sexual desires, the wants and needs he’s given us. As a single guy my perceptions and understanding of this gets skewed often. Movies, news, video games, media, etc do a great job of this.

My ultimate hearts desires is to be one that perceives God as a loving and gracious God and has the best in mind for me, regarding marriage, the godly woman He has chosen for me and the ability to glorify Himself in that relationship. That I would not fall for false, empty, self fulfilling desires that just leave me hanging and wanting more, and yet never satisfied. You, and I need to practice restraint, and the ability to setup self checks that prevent us from falling into this trap. Doing so should not feel like constriction but one of freedom for the relationship that God has intended us to experience of sexual desires, to live life, and bring glory to Himself in a marriage relationship.

Mike finishes out this particular section of his book with this…

“Our sexual struggles are often part of other issues – anger, pride, selfishness, loneliness, worry, stress, the need for love and acceptance – so we recognize that we need to grow in wholesomeness as men, not just in the area of sexuality.

Recognizing and living out our identity requires sustained grace from God and a change in the basic direction and aim of life. But hope is the issue. God created us for Eden, and in Christ, He has restored our ability to be naked and unashamed.”

Times can be rough, especially when your single and inundated with sexual imagery from all sources. But God’s grace is sufficient, and He also provides a way of escape. We must choose. I want what God wants.

**A lot more could be said about this topic, I am sure. But I just wanted to share some thoughts I’ve been thinking, and thinking about. **

Confession #8: Selfishness, Security, and Sacrifice

I am occasionally encouraged by my folks to start saving for the future, to have a plan for emergencies, etc. While this is great. I simply have not done anything about it. My current job hasn’t allowed itself to do so. My savings has been pretty minimal. Yet, I remain pretty selfish. I get what I want. A lot of times its something that is fleeting. Something I really could do without. I really don’t need to be more comfortable, but this is how I was taught. Not necessarily from my parents, in fact, I think there’s been little influence from them. But its from the culture around me. I’ve fallen for the consumer trap of marketing that drives me to think I need and want something. I really don’t need it. But I want it just because its so “cool, hip and popular”. Somehow I think its important to have a lot of money saved, so when I don’t have a job, or I’m old..I’ll be safe. I’ll be comfortable. I’ll have security.

Then Francis Chan (yea I know I sound like a broken record with him, but he’s got some great stuff to say) wrote something on his blog a few days that really hit me hard. First, watch this video:

This is what he said:

why is my life more valuable than this baby’s? Someone asked me recently why I don’t save money for emergencies, or retirement. My answer was how can I justify saving for myself “just in case” something happens to me when something IS happening to so many already. 29,000 kids will die today of preventable causes. If I’m to love my neighbor AS myself, why spend so much time worrying about me?

I re watched the video and found myself fighting back the tears. Gosh, I don’t deserve most of the stuff I have. Heck, I don’t need half of the stuff I have. I don’t need the latest music CD, book, or gadget. I don’t need it! Plain and simple.

Since finishing up Crazy Love, I’ve been really challenging myself on ways I can help people. Honestly I’m struggling myself. But that is no excuse. Over this past week I have had two opportunities to give and help people. I don’t say this to be boastful about it, but it reminds me, how can I be more proactive in helping my neighbor rather than helping my self be the creature of comfort I’ve been trained to be, and want to be? I can’t take what I save. Holding dear to this comfort weakens our faith in God and his ability to provide. Does he not know the hairs on your head? the grains of sand on the shore? And yet we want it our way, we want our security blanket and our comfort. I’m not so sure He’s called us to live this way…

Luke 12:22-26

“And He said to His disciples, “For this reason I say to you, do not worry about yourlife, as towhat you will eat; nor for your body, as towhat you will put on.”

“For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing.”

“Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap; they have no storeroom nor barn, and yet God feeds them; how much more valuable you are than the birds!”

“And which of you by worrying can add a singlehour to his life’s span?”

“If then you cannot do even a very little thing, why do you worry about other matters?”

Confession #7: Sharing what I believe

This might be trivial from your view point. But this is something I struggle with. Its a two fold problem really.

First I find it awkward to work this into conversation, sharing the Gospel that is. If you know me, I’m pretty reserved and quiet. I like observing, and coming away with thoughts. There usually negative ones on how I don’t want to be like that particular person or situation. I can’t say I have the gift of gab, and when I do, its a rarity. I have gotten better I think in this ‘weakness’, but I still have room to grow and improve. Often I feel there are times I really don’t have a opportunity to work in sharing the gospel. I guess a lot of times I don’t ask for it either (which probably is the problem). When I have had the opportunity to share, its been awesome and those few times I remember clearly. I also seem to hang out with “people who believe” a lot too. I currently work for a believer owned company (very few employees), I go to church, all my friends go to church, and don’t have much interaction outside of that. Which – totally is my fault – I could do better. But I feel I can improve all around in this area.

Second, I struggle with people who I over hear, or speak to me and are like “Oh I just got to witness to this guy or this girl” or “I witnessed to so and so this morning”, etc. Like there mouth is pouring out only the gospel when they speak to people.

Thats really not me. Its not who I am. I’d rather be the guy in the background, providing the support in to those presenting the gospel. In some sense I feel guilt, shame and laziness when I hear these testimonies. These are probably fair feelings.

Something stuck with me this past Sunday that Pastor Chris, from Mt. View Chapel, was speaking on. He was speaking on God’s grace covering beyond what we can comprehend or understand in His ability to save people (babies that die at birth, mentally retarded people, etc). We think either God is or isn’t capable of saving these people, and we come up with silly idea’s thinking we’ve got it figured out. Later in the message He used an example from the new movie Prince Caspian. There is a character who does not believe Aslan the lion exsists and thinks that he is simply a myth. At the end of the movie Aslan shows up, and one of the children says to this particular character “Do you see him now?”, Wow.

So often I think were driven to make converts. Were driven to make sure people got their ticket, so they can hang with us in Heaven. All we really should be doing is showing Christ. Sharing is all we can do, We plant, God grows and changes hearts. God then gives us the ability to come alongside and disciple these people and help them grow into who they are in Christ (which a lot of times we drop the ball on.)

For me this provides some comfort to my soul knowing that I don’t have to be this super hero, gospel sharing, bible carrying guy, I don’t have to live up to this expectation. I think the most effective way is to be who God has made us, each has our own gifts, abilities and talents. You might be the A/V guy, janitor, sunday school teacher, pastor, the lawyer, the school teacher, police officer, etc – each role is equally important in the kingdom of God – this is the church, this is what were supposed to be, and what were supposed to do. I want to be sure that where I am at, and the abilities I’ve been given are SHOWING Christ to the people that I come in contact with, asking and being aware of opportunities that God has given me.

Confession #6: We hide, and were happy we can

I was actually working on this post previous to starting this series, and never really got to finish it, but I think it aptly fits cause I struggle with this one quite a bit. I also think this is more of a problem then one would care to admit. It deals with seeing and confronting sin.

For me personally, I don’t like doing this. Confronting issues in others lives that are blatantly obvious is one that I struggle with. Partly I think cause no one’s really challenged me much on it myself. But I think the church has succumb to the society and the American culture into thinking that we can’t question others actions. I think you see this quite evidently through the news, people around us, etc. And perhaps we shouldn’t – cause generally when we do this, its a pride issue on our part. We do it to make ourselves look better, I think. Or we judge on “made up sins” (for example certain music genre listening habits – somehow that dictates your spiritual condition). Graciousness and love are usually marginal at best if not absent in doing so.

We judge others when we don’t speak up and call sin, sin, we make our sin something that is internal, and afraid to share with others, and were afraid to call others on sin we see in their life. We have these preconceived idea’s that showing weakness is wrong. Showing sin is failure. We’ve become superficial in how we deal with things, with others and dealing with it personally.

In fact, were commanded in Galatians 6 to confront and bear one another’s burdens. When we don’t do this we are judging. Judging is forming a opinion and not doing anything about it to help the individual. I think we’d rather gossip about problems we see, rather than do something about it.

My struggles are this. When you see something in someone’s life that is older than you, how do you gracefully say something? how do you point that out? I also struggle with just calling people out on stuff because I’m afraid of being hurt. I’m also afraid of loosing friendships, or relationships. The issue of someones spiritual well being I think should out weigh the cost of loosing a friend or having them upset at me. I know that seems harsh, but my desire is not only for myself, but others to be in a right relationship with God. I think that is a part of the bearing one another’s burdens. Our problems and struggles should not be our own, they should be those we are with, those around us (church, small groups, etc). The Holy Spirit has been working on me with this one. Its also hard to be this, when community of believers you’ve been in, simply don’t live this out. The question I ask myself is “Will I pursue to call out in love”?

Maybe my assumptions are wrong. I don’t know. This is how I see it.

Confessions Series Update

Hey friends, readers, lurkers, stalkers and all passing by.  I just wanted to let you know my buddy Danny is doing this very thing as well.  I can’t believe I’m on #6 already, which will be posted in a few hours, but he is following suite in this series as well.  He got started a tad late, but its all good   He’s got some good stuff over there so check it out.  Maybe when I run out of idea’s in the next couple days he’ll still be going strong .  Thanks for stopping by

-Chris

Confession #5: Reading

I guess this one kinda goes along with the past two posts as well in the fact that I struggle with reading.  Reading the Bible.  I’ve always been taught or encouraged to read, read in a way that was more of a habit, bound by time and a specific way of handling the scripture.  I think it was done this way to form some sort of structure, but did little to appreciate…or um love the fact that it was God’s word given to me, and this is something that I should want to do, something that I wanted to interact with.  Not in some sort of magical sense that it would make my day better, in a way it does provides a nurishment for our soul, but it doesn’t necessarily make our day to day life better.  I’m also very cautious to determine my relationship with God on the  factor of how much I am reading my Bible (you know that little quiet time, usually 15 minutes we try to squeeze in before going to bed, or some other distracting time).  I think this is a very unhealthy approach and causes me to rely more on what I know, or what I “obtained” or “get out of it”, rather the relationship that I have with God himself.  We make it a idol and can control the bible, so that it behaves on our terms. We get what we want.

There seems to be a disconnect in the fact that I miss that it’s God’s word written.  It is His self expression.  It’s His way of conveying to us who He is.  This is how we learn who God is, this is how we relate and have fellowship with God.

I think there is some correlation with meditating on God’s word and trusting in the Lord.  There is a relational aspect to the scripture. In Psalms 1 and Jeremiah 17  there is a correlation between the exchange of this meditation and trusting.  We are commanded to meditate on the Law of the Lord.  It’s there to trust in the God of who’s scripture it was.

I don’t know about you, but I struggle with this.  I’m not quite sure how this looks.  Honestly I guess, the relationship was really never demonstrated to me growing up.  It was not really something that ‘clicked’.  Maybe it was just me, cause I tend to not grasp things like this at times.

I struggle with reading the bible on a regular basis, even at all,  a lot of times.  Sadly its not a priority, and I’m kinda scared to make it into one in fear that I will just make it a habit and reduce my relationship to one that is measured by time, and amount.

Confession #4: Prayer

This one is going to be short probably.  But this one is a struggle for me.

A lot of times I say ” I’ll pray for you ” or ” I’ll pray about this or that ” – and usually what happens is I end up lying.   I don’t know about you, but I end up not praying at all, this bugs me.  I feel so foolish and such a fake.  Sadly my prayer life goes beyond this with not much praying at all.  Some major life changes are happening for me in the next few months, and well, I really haven’t even sat down once and spent any time praying about it.  Not to any great extent anyway. I’m not sure I quite understand my problem with this other than the primary issue of my post just below this one.  A lot of times I feel I make pray a desperation thing.  “God fix this cause I screwed up.”,  “help with this, cause I really  don’t know what I am doing.”, “Lord I need money cause I bought stuff/went out to eat to much, would you provide?”.  Well you get the idea.  Some of these prayers aren’t always bad, but for me I make them more of a habit, a “quick fix” prayer for my current situation.

I think of a relationship between two people. Say a wife and husband.  In order to know whats going on in each others life, to work our problems, to say you need help, to clearly communicate.  Both need to be in constant communication.

I think this is how my conversations with God should be.  Paul in Philippians says to pray without ceasing.  How many of us can really say that we do that.  What does that look like? I sure am not doing it. What things do we need to “sacrifice” or toss aside that would get us to this point.  This is what I struggle with.  I seriously suck at praying.

Confession #3: I’m obsessed

Actually.

I’m quite obsessed with all the wrong things.

I’ve halted my normal reads, that I have yet to finish, to read a book called “Crazy Love :: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God” – by Francis Chan. It’s a really simple read. Its also a hardcore deep cutting book of self evaluation. It has simply ripped me open and shown me how selfish I really am. I am a creature of comforts and I want my nice, happy god to work for me. I want to hold him in clenched fist, and control him and tell him what to do, and how to do it. This isn’t really God. I have simply created something in my mind, that allows me to be my own god.

Chan talks through and teaches scripture that allows oneself to evaluate our status of cold, lukewarm or hot in our love for Christ. To be a lukewarm Christian is a oxymoron. You are all or you are nothing.

I really don’t/didn’t want to look at myself through this lens. The very things I am “fighting” for, I am living in my own life. I don’t want to be a half hearted, doing what I need to get by, thinking what I am doing makes me a good guy in God’s eyes type of Christian. I’m disgusted with myself, that we even think that our relationship with God is driven to perform in this give and take idea. Maybe it isn’t for you, but it is for me this way..if I just read the bible just a little bit more, if I can stay awake a little bit longer so I can pray a little bit longer. If I could just lay one more tract in the bathroom stall, I’ll get my reward for sharing the gospel, and maybe for someone getting saved. If I could just stop swearing, or drinking to much. I got to perform for my boss, my coworkers, my friends, my family, yet, I realize I’m that guy. I live driven to do just that, perform, to just get by, to be loved, and yet remain distracted by life and these duties of the faith. Distracted, perhaps… but consumed is a bit more plausible idea to this situation. I am lukewarm to the core.  Does a relationship based on Grace and Love really work this way?

In the last few chapters Chan talks about giving away all of us, living our best life later, we have a choice to give God our leftovers or run in reckless abandonment towards Christ, forsaking all that this world has to offer.

I’m obsessed with the wrong things, I often get caught up in the trappings and the shiny things of this world.  My life is a poor reflection of my love towards Christ.  I am honestly scared to even pursue this.  I am scared of what is required of my life. How shameful of me, when Christ gave His all, for mine.

A person who is obsessed is characterized by committed, settled, passionate love for God, above and before every other thing and every other being.

Am I obsessed?

peels and layers

Sometimes it hurts too much to peel back the layers and feel what’s under there. Yet what we’re not healing is hurting us somehow. I believe that the more I share my life and process honestly, the more I can heal, and, in turn, help others to heal. -Sark

(ht: thelongbrake dot com)

Confession #2: I am not Chris Baker

Well, technically I am, but it seems that I get a lot of web access from the great state of Texas.  It also turns out that there was a rather popular radio dj who happens to have the same name as me.  From what I can tell his show or program has been removed from the Houston radio waves and people have been trying to find him ever since.  A few years back I received a email commenting on my old website and said that they stumbled across the site looking for a old radio dj.  Well sorry folks, I’m not him. You can read about it here and here. (I believe that is who everyone looks for).  I’m also not a professional athlete in case you were wondering. 

Well I  suppose this begs the question, who am I?  Well I can’t say that I’m famous, popular, or anything along those lines.  I’m a pretty typical guy I suppose.  I currently reside in the great (humid in the summer, and drab in the winter) state of PA.  I do like it here really, but I do favor spring and fall, even though that seems to be when my allergies act up the most.  I am currently a self taught graphic designer/photographer/IT guy at a local photography studio for a few more weeks (more on that later).  I am a Mac guy and love using computers, I also love music.  I listen to a wide range of stuff from Nickelcreek to Underoath, and enjoy many genre’s, and typically like the unpopular bands of music.   I also enjoy reading.  I also have an unusual interest in church leadership, structure, and operations, even though I am not a pastor.  I guess I also have a bit in regular business and leadership interests as well.  

I guess I just blurted some things out there, randomly, but I hope that through reading this blog you will understand about who I am and what I’m about.  Of course, feel free to ask anything.

But I think the biggest thing is this, my relationship with Jesus Christ.  This is one thing I care about the most, and I tend to not care about much.  Well its not that I don’t care, I tend to be passive about things.  But honestly, this is probably my biggest struggle too.  The grace of God has been and will be enough, and sufficient for me.  What questions, or things do you want to know about me?  Feel free to ask.  I hope as I post more this month, I will maybe answer some of your questions.