I was actually working on this post previous to starting this series, and never really got to finish it, but I think it aptly fits cause I struggle with this one quite a bit. I also think this is more of a problem then one would care to admit. It deals with seeing and confronting sin.
For me personally, I don’t like doing this. Confronting issues in others lives that are blatantly obvious is one that I struggle with. Partly I think cause no one’s really challenged me much on it myself. But I think the church has succumb to the society and the American culture into thinking that we can’t question others actions. I think you see this quite evidently through the news, people around us, etc. And perhaps we shouldn’t – cause generally when we do this, its a pride issue on our part. We do it to make ourselves look better, I think. Or we judge on “made up sins” (for example certain music genre listening habits – somehow that dictates your spiritual condition). Graciousness and love are usually marginal at best if not absent in doing so.
We judge others when we don’t speak up and call sin, sin, we make our sin something that is internal, and afraid to share with others, and were afraid to call others on sin we see in their life. We have these preconceived idea’s that showing weakness is wrong. Showing sin is failure. We’ve become superficial in how we deal with things, with others and dealing with it personally.
In fact, were commanded in Galatians 6 to confront and bear one another’s burdens. When we don’t do this we are judging. Judging is forming a opinion and not doing anything about it to help the individual. I think we’d rather gossip about problems we see, rather than do something about it.
My struggles are this. When you see something in someone’s life that is older than you, how do you gracefully say something? how do you point that out? I also struggle with just calling people out on stuff because I’m afraid of being hurt. I’m also afraid of loosing friendships, or relationships. The issue of someones spiritual well being I think should out weigh the cost of loosing a friend or having them upset at me. I know that seems harsh, but my desire is not only for myself, but others to be in a right relationship with God. I think that is a part of the bearing one another’s burdens. Our problems and struggles should not be our own, they should be those we are with, those around us (church, small groups, etc). The Holy Spirit has been working on me with this one. Its also hard to be this, when community of believers you’ve been in, simply don’t live this out. The question I ask myself is “Will I pursue to call out in love”?
Maybe my assumptions are wrong. I don’t know. This is how I see it.
Chris,
GREAT QUESTIONS here: “When you see something in someone’s life that is older than you, how do you gracefully say something? how do you point that out?”
The first thing about any rebuke or confrontation is that it must be done in the context of relationship. I can’t rebuke “cold”. If I see someone older doing something that is wrong, but I have NO significant relationship with them, I just try to learn from their mistake. But if I have some connection to them, I usually try to bank on the HOPE that older people have broader experience and insight, and that they learn by making their own inferences from suggestions. Older doesn’t always mean wiser, but I hedge my bets in favor of that being the case. And the way I handle it is by suggesting that (1) I can understand the reasoning or feeling behind THEIR actions/words [A], but (2) I have found that sometimes action/word X is much more profitable and has accompanying desirable results Y. And (3) maybe I haven’t understood all of the circumstances involved that led them to action/words [A], so I might be wrong in my suggestion….
Prov. 16:21 says: “The wise in heart shall be called prudent, and the sweetness of the lips increases learning.” Rebuke can be done without the other person even sensing that they were rebuked if we use gentleness. (Of course, you don’t always get the credit for giving such instruction — the other person concludes that they learned it themselves; but that’s the goal, right? Not my own glorification.
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And the one who DOESN’T get it? who doesn’t learn from such gentle rebuke? Chances are they are the biblical fool, and they wouldn’t get it if you nailed it in 72 point font onto their front door with a railroad spike and a sledge hammer!